A Self-Analysis of the Last 400 Days of War


#1

I got serious about this fight 1 year and 50 days ago. That’s when I finally decided I would do whatever it takes to gain control over pornography and be the master of myself. I was dating a wonderful girl at the time, that was a huge motivator. We broke up shortly after that, I finished the war and got my star.

I fell hard as soon as the war was over, went KIA on Day 12 in my second war, and spent that October watching porn a few times a week. I didn’t stop working out, I didn’t stop taking cold showers, I continued to attempt to meditate.

This leads me to a sidenote that I don’t get. So many people in this community say how when they’re “on PMO” they’re useless and don’t get anything done, they just spend all day binging porn, YouTube, and Netflix and staying in their room. If you’re one of those people, you’re just using that as an excuse, and it’s a shitty excuse. Every time you feel like shit after watching some pretty girl get screwed in what cannot be a comfortable way, get out of your room and DO THINGS. Whatever needs getting done, DO IT. Take a cold shower, even if you hate it. You just did what you said you wouldn’t do, you deserve some real pure suffering. Now go to the gym. Beat that shit out of your system, and then move on to your duties. Train yourself to go into even harder warrior mode after you “relapse”. Stop being a wimp and using it as an excuse to never move forward in life.

Anyway, even though I kept moving forward, I didn’t like how porn made me feel after I watched it. So a few days before Thanksgiving, I said enough is enough. I joined the new war that started on Thanksgiving Day.

I CRUSHED IT that war. I was brutal, I didn’t make excuses. I didn’t watch porn or masturbate from Thanksgiving to Spring break, for 110 days. It was awesome. Spring break I decided I wanted the release, but I stooped to porn again as well, and then it was back to watching it a few times a month for most of the Spring, with another little 52 streak in there somewhere.
So yeah, it’s been a bit of a ride. I got serious again this summer sometime in July and stopped making excuses. Reactivated warrior mode, and it’s been on ever since.
But back to the point of this post…

I don’t know how many times I watched porn in 2017, but it was probably between 60 and 120 times.

In 2018 to date, I have watched porn 16 times.
That, my friends, is what we call IMPROVEMENT. Now of course, I’m not saying that’s exactly what I wanted. The goal was to be completely clean this year, and I failed that goal, but will I let that stop me? Of course not. The exact result is not what I’m focusing on, I’m focusing on the motion and the process. And the motion is forward and the process is working.

But that’s not even close to my favorite part.

When I started these wars, I didn’t even know what meditation really meant. I started trying to do it, I thought you had to sit cross-legged on the floor for it to count as meditation. If you think that, download Headspace and take their free trial NOW.

I had no discipline. I worked hard in life, but not enough and not consistently enough. I refused to go to the gym, I thought it wasn’t exciting enough for me.

After a year of training myself in discipline, mental and physical gains, and more self-reflection than the average human being has in a lifetime, what are the RESULTS?

I wake up when I need to now. Usually this is around 6am on weekdays, but for last year it was around 5am, and all this summer it was between 3am and 5am, to give me time to work out before going to work

I work out, 4 days a week. It used to be 6 days a week, but I’ve combined a few routines into less days due to my work schedule. Same amount of work per week. I’ve gained 10 lb of muscle since I started a year ago, and have far more definition all around. I don’t look scrawny anymore.

I take cold showers, every morning. There are no exceptions to this rule. I think I may have skipped this habit 1-3 times this year, but I’m really not sure. I do it every day basically. And I almost never use warm water at all, it’s straight cold all day every day.

After I take my morning cold shower and I’m awake, I meditate. I’ve been practicing for over a year now, and I’ve had Headspace for around 10 months. It’s so worth it. I meditate sitting in my comfortable computer chair, usually 10 minutes a day. (I’ve done 15 and 20 in the past for awhile, and if I’m running late I do 3 or 5 minutes).

I’ve meditated enough that I have control over my breath. Now if I get stressed out in public, if I remember I can use meditative breath to calm me down and feel relaxed. I don’t always remember, so there’s still lots of work to be done. But in general I am much calmer, less stressed overall, peaceful, and kind than I was a year ago.

I don’t make excuses and I kick ass. At work and at school, I’ve developed even more of a no-bullshit and get-it-done attitude. I go above and beyond in my classes whenever I can, rather than doing the bare minimum. I work ahead as far as I can, and plan ahead even further. I know exactly what I need to do to get my degree goals accomplished, and who I need to help me with them.
I’ve started playing the piano again finally. I’ve had lessons when I was young, so the technique is ingrained in my fingers, but it’s been a couple years since I’ve had a keyboard at home. After we moved to a nicer, more roomy house in June, I got my old keyboard back in here and once school started a month ago, I made it a habit to play 30 minutes a day. There are days I skip, but there are also days like tonight where I play closer to 2 hours in a night, because sleep is eluding me and I was in love with the music.

My confidence and social interactions have improved greatly. Now, most people attribute this factor almost exclusively to NoPMO. I don’t. I think it has a bit to do with that, but more to do with my calmness I’ve developed from meditation, and the confidence I’ve grown from waking up, taking ice cold showers, and conquering myself consistently in the gym.

Happiness is overrated it’s true, but I don’t really have another word for it. In general, over and under, I’m happy. I’ve been single for over a year, and I’ve come to accept that and be okay with it. I go on dates and I flirt, and sometimes I even go for a hookup if I feel like I’m about to explode and the primal instincts start to take over. But I’m happy without depending on another person. And I’m happy with the direction I’m going and the man I’m becoming.

If you like how that sounds and want to follow that example, just do 2 simple things.
#1 Stop making excuses. You’ve probably heard it 1000 times, but take it seriously. People say take cold showers and you probably have 25 reasons not to. I don’t care about any of your reasons, just do it. Do it. And do it again. Every time you don’t want to do it, just do it anyway. That goes for any and all the positive habits you want to start but never actually do.

#2 Stop focusing on PMO. I’m serious, if you relapse just get the fuck over yourself and stop crying like a little baby. Get outside and do some work. Make an improvement in your life, do your homework, or cook dinner for everyone around you. Clean your house, organize your desk, wash your mom’s car. And wake up the next morning, jump in the icy shower, meditate, and get out there and KICK ASS.

Fill your life so full with meaningful hobbies, passions, and responsibilities that you don’t have time to think about PMO.

LIVE! Live all out! I’ll see you in the Arena.