I posted this on the PMO page and was asked to post it here. Sorry it took me so long.
I’ve been thinking about some of the discussions that have occurred the last several days and wanted to share some of my thoughts. I encourage everyone to pay attention to their own needs/goals and what they need in their life, and do not want to come across as “preaching” or “lecturing”. So I’ll do my best to stay out of my “mom voice”.
I know that not everyone here would say that they are addicted to PMO, and that is great. But, we also have to acknowledge that PMO addiction is prevalent and destructive, just like any other addiction. I think sometimes PMO is downplayed as not being a big deal (not by my fellow warriors), but I have found that it is helpful to compare justifications that we make in regards to our behaviors with PMO to other addictions. For example, if I was an alcoholic would I think that going to the bar just to hang out would be a smart move? No. No it would not. But, we tend to do similar things in our lives with PMO. It is easy to place ourselves in situations that we know are going to be difficult for us by justifying or minimizing the danger.
If you haven’t read any of Robert Weiss’ books, I highly recommend them. I am going to share an excerpt from his book “Untangling the Web” This is from the last chapter 'Next Steps: Moving Beyond the Problem.
“Porn addicts tend to be intensity-focused. Unable to be soothed by long-term meaningful life rewards (Such as watching the garden grow or the intimacy of a close partnership develop), active porn abusers leach intensity from external events and experiences for distraction…The feelings of emptiness and inner discomfort that the porn abuser and sex addict previously used sex as a fix, must now be relieved through self-care and self-nurturing. Long-term healing must include learning how to “do nothing” for a day and find hobbies and interests that bring pleasure, fun, and healthy distraction. This part of the process can be so foreign to those healing from pornography problems that it ends up being the hardest.”
The authors hit upon several Nurturing Tasks to develop which have been discussed by several Warriors in previous posts. One of the ones that I would like to focus on is creating nonsexual friendships. I am going to quote one more passage because I think it is powerful.
“Isolation is a hallmark of emotional disease. Every healing person needs others outside of partners or family with whom they can discuss their painful challenges and losses. This is why participation in therapy, 12-step recovery programs, and other support groups is encouraged.”
Warriors, we cannot isolate ourselves. PMO is typically steeped in secrecy and shame. We are all here to support each other and ourselves. Reach out, engage with the group, and be willing to hold yourself and others accountable. Keep on fighting and if you fall, just dust yourself off and get back up again. We’ve got this guys!