Below is a collection of journal entries in reverse chronological order.
2018-06-25 09:11 PST: Still in the War. I’m feeling minor urges daily with the occasional strong one, but so far I have been able to remain strong. The though of writing a relapse report is unpleasant enough to keep me on the straight path. Also the knowledge that other survivors are out there, fighting their own battles too. We can do this as long as we don’t lose sight of why we’re here.
2018-06-21 11:22 PST: Work continues to chug along. No relapses. Day 22 for me. My personal issues are still making me anxious, but I’m dealing with that by taking lots of breaks to do slow breathing, reminding myself that I can handle life even if things don’t go well, and daily meditation. I’m also trying to get rid of some of the anxious energy by running around the counter in my kitchen.
2018-06-16 12:45 PST: Quiet Saturday at home alone. Before I would have been wasting hours surfing online and PMOing multiple times. Now I don’t even consider that an option. I still feel urges (just writing this gave rise to a small one), but I crushed it with my purity and iron will. It shows, though, the danger of even entertaining thoughts of relapse. This is a lifestyle choice I’ve made, and I accept any short-term consequences.
2018-06-14 21:41 PST: It’s been a while. Still alive. Work has gotten so busy with me taking on tech lead for a project. Spending a lot of time helping out other devs, so not much time for breaks. I’m getting a feel for what it would be like to be a manager. It’s going well so far, but my organizational skills need to improve. Just got back from 3 days in Santa Barbara working in the office. Back to writing Chapter 6 of the Chronicles. If I keep this up, PMO won’t have a change. Still, keep the shield up and visor down.
2018-06-07 01:39 PST: It is way too late. I need to start getting myself to bed earlier so I maintain my mental strength and will to fight. Too much surfing Conquered Self. I think from today I’ll try to keep my CS time to a solid hour a day including Telegram chatting.
2018-06-05 00:11 PST: First day complete. I started reading about logotherapy in “Man’s Search for Meaning”. It is interesting so far. No significant urges today, though I don’t feel quite as steel-willed as I felt at the beginning of War VI. I will meditate now and then bed.
2018-06-03 23:54 PST: Four hours before the Seventh PMO War begins. I began reading “Man’s Search for Meaning”, a book written by Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl about his experiences in the Nazi concentration camp system and establishing his psychological therapy called logotherapy. I’m hoping that insights from this book will help me better see the meaning of my own life.