Reality Check


#1

I’ve been posting my support for others on here for the last couple of days. Time for me to level and share where I’m at.

I’ve struggled with PMO habituation for almost a decade and a half. The negatives were not apparent right away, but in reflection the descent into shame, guilt, and depression did not take that long. Over the years this slow sap of passion, energy, and will has had created difficulties in my own pursuits, interpersonal relationships, and mental state.

In the last year, I probably watched P about 10-15 times. I would like to end that. Although it is much better than my peak of 3+ times a day many years ago.

I have a healthier relationship to M now, but I am not comfortable with the content I fantasize about and really feel as though it only serves to detract from my romantic relationships. My current relationship is rough. We are both trying to reach each other but there are a number of things that we hold onto that are stopping us from authentically connecting - and M is one of the biggest contenders. Just the knowledge of that cuts deep.

I had a “lapse” three days ago. I put it in quotations because up until recently I haven’t been abstaining from M without P. I decided that I need a reset to see M clearly, and to decide if it has a place in my life. I know that it is not valuable the way I am currently using it, at the very least.

I am currently healing in many ways (emotionally, physically, and financially) due to a number of events in my life (some of them caused by my own choices, others external). Synchronicity, intuition, and a desire to reach greater heights has led me to redouble my efforts to develop a healthy relation to sexual expression.

Today, I feel broken. Crushed by the pain of all the necessary changes, and the wounds that don’t seem to let go. But I also have hope. I can’t explain where it came form, but its there. And today I will do everything I can to be there for my loved ones, my self, and my community.

Thanks all you for showing up and working to grow. This community is giving me a great deal of encouragement as I start preparing for the upcoming war.

Peace and Grace.


#2

Hey brother, I have been touched by your sincerity, initiative to self reflect and effort to share what you have been going through.
I understand your struggles for we all, eventually, get to a point where we start to loathe our destructive behaviour and commence seeking a way out of this prison we put ourselves in with our own hand(s) (no pun intended).
I concluded - correct me if I am wrong - that you started realising how M has more negative consequences even when having a “healthy” relationship with it as you say. I commend you for it, and advice you to figure out a system of other habits that could start systematically replacing that bad habit and eventually turning it to an act of foreplay with your significant other. in other words, you won’t touch your member in a sexual manner unless it’s in the context of foreplay. This in return could help mend your romantic relationship and make your connection much more profound and real.
Good luck with the process of adaptation to the new changes needed, as for the wounds, brother, time is a great healer, let it do its work and don’t worry, as long as you focus on making everyday count, whether it be on a personal, social or professional level, just make that day bring you closer to your ultimate self.
I know this could sound quite optimistic and idealistic, but we must leave a room for hope and wonder in a world of pessimistic aura with a hint of depression and sadness that we can’t amount to anything.
I hope it could help you in any way, and let me know what you think, I am open for any further discussion. godspeed Caapi


#3

Steadfast, thank you for your kind response.

You are correct that I am only seeing negative consequences. I’m no longer interested in trying to make it work because of the harmless rhetoric.

I am feeling much better than last week when I posted this. I’ve made huge changes in many ways and my work is paying off.

10 days free even with significant emotional/physical triggers around.

Wishing you the best.