I made a comment in @Raku 's post commending him on realizing that having a specific goal for what Day of NoPMO to reach is not enough, and that we must instead reach a point where we no longer desire escapism in any form. Those were roughly his words, I believe.
My response was this:
"I’m glad you’ve realized this critical truth. PMO is not the problem, but rather our childish reaction to the problem. Might be different for some people, but for most people I see, including myself, the problem is not having enough meaning in your life, and not taking on enough responsibility. Even though many have plenty of responsibility, they still often do not take on that responsibility. Instead of accepting it joyfully, we choose to run from it, back to safety and comfort. And for so long we do not realize that in doing so we are keeping ourselves from becoming men of worth, men of meaning, and we will always feel like something is missing in this state. And because something is missing we will continue trying to run away and embrace vices that only further the decline of our lives.
It’s a downward spinning cycle, and it is one of the hardest things we will probably ever have to do in our privileged lives, to break free from the cycle. But we must break free. Religious or not, we can only be 100% certain of the life we are living, and it is too short to spend running scared. Let us instead become men of meaning, and embrace our destinies, and all the responsibilities and suffering that come with it."
@Raku replied the following:
"“Even though many have plenty of responsibility, they still often do not take on that responsibility. Instead of accepting it joyfully, we choose to run from it, back to safety and comfort.” Thank you for putting into words something that has been difficult for me to see in myself. Those words describe my experience perfectly. I have a few more questions to delve more deeply into this topic.
I cannot deny that sometimes I feel the responsibility has been thrust upon me and I fulfill my duties with a reluctant heart. In order to truly take responsibility for something, do we need to in some way own it or embrace it joyfully? Can you describe a bit more the difference between “having responsibility” and “taking on that responsibility”? I think this difference is subtle but very important. Thanks in advance!"
So here goes nothing…
Responsibility
What is Responsibility?
The top definition of Responsibility is this: “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.”
So classic forms of responsibilities: A job, university classes, taking care of one’s kids, etc.
But for every situation, the amount of responsibility is different. Even more important, the willingness to take on that responsibility is different.
Why is Responsibility important?
I have not yet seen a woman on Conquered Self so I will not bother to remain gender neutral at all in what I’m saying, because it is fact that men and women are biologically different, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Trying to box them both together as equal is madness, when both sexes have such distinct advantages and roles to play in humanity, but that is a rant for another time.
I am talking to you MEN. More specifically, I am talking to you boys trying to become men.
Responsibility is necessary to become a man. If you live alone in a shitty apartment and work at McDonald’s and play video games and smoke weed until 4am every night, you are not a man. You have no responsibility. What happens if you are late to work? Some fat American doesn’t get his Big Mac as fast, and maybe you get fired. There’s nothing important about that, except now you are hunting for a new job to feed your disgusting habits. Not a single drop of responsibility is involved there.
Now say you meet a trashy girl who also enjoys the same destructive habits as you, and you like each other. You start sleeping together, and probably don’t bother to use a condom. ANNNDDDD… Guess what? Now she’s pregnant.
Now you have responsibility. You have 9 months before your child comes into this world, fragile and screaming. It is your job, your task, your responsibility to protect and feed this child. But you didn’t ask for this. You didn’t even want this. It was an accident, so why should your life be ruined over it? Maybe you will leave the girl and your own child will never know what it is like to have a father. Even if you do that, you still have responsibility if you live in America. You pay child support for the next 18 years, so now McDonald’s might not cut it.
These are examples of when Responsibility finds you. Most people run from responsibility, and that’s understandable. Responsibility brings potential for failure, and when there is failure there are consequences. It is natural for humans to run from such things, running from potential failure and disastrous consequences kept us alive in prehistoric times.
But running is not what men were made to do. Men were made to build, to train, to conquer, to learn, to study, to hunt, and to protect. Men were made to lead, to learn to rule their own fear and accomplish great things. Men were made for Responsibility. Responsibility to their tribes, to their families, and to themselves.
Only a couple generations ago, men knew this. They knew that it was their job to take on responsibility, to take charge of their situations. They provided for their families and took pride in it. I’m not the right person to say why this has changed, I’m sure there are a lot of people who have studied this extensively and written books about it.
But it has changed. Men now seem to want only to run from the first sign of Responsibility. Even in the workplace, everyone seems so afraid to rise through the ranks and take charge of whatever their project is. Stop being scared and OWN your actions.
I think my previous example is plenty clear for how one can be given responsibility. Other less tragic examples would be if one had kids before they felt ready, and before they intended. Being a good person, that man will stick with his family and provide for them, but it’s not what he truly wanted so he feels trapped. It wasn’t his choice. Or if he is given a promotion where now he is managing a team, but he didn’t want that. Now it’s his job to make sure his team is effective and that each member is doing there part but also is doing okay.
It’s a hard thing for me to say that if Responsibility was forced on you, you should just smile and decide you like it now. I crave freedom above all else. But we often fail to realize that discipline equals freedom, and discipline and responsibility are closely interlinked.
I really don’t have a good answer to that, though, because I would sound like a hypocrite if I were to get a girl pregnant. I’m 20 years old, if that happened I would feel like my life was over. I don’t intend to have kids until at least 8 years from now.
But what I can say is that we should all take more responsibility. There are so many ways we can do that. If you’re young like me, obviously you should NOT start a family, but read between the lines a little. What about your friends? I have responsibility to all the people I truly love. If they need me, I’m there.
What about ourselves? Who here has truly taken responsibility for themselves? I know I’m not there yet. Responsibility for yourself is when you don’t make excuses anymore, you don’t blame other people or other events for your problems, you just get out and FIX THEM. You train, you improve, you don’t let anything stand in the way of your goals. And when you make mistakes, you admit it and do whatever you can to remedy it.
So @Raku: After all my rambling, this is my direct answer to your question. The difference between having responsibility and taking responsibility is simply the choice. And if you were unwillingly given responsibility, it’s not too late to take ownership of that and choose to make it your own. Accepting it joyfully and willingly seems much more empowering than fulfilling one’s duties reluctantly. But again, I can’t preach about that since I’m so young and haven’t been in that situation myself.
Anyway to all of you boys: Take more responsibility! Hungrily seek it out! Whatever your job is, think about how you can do it better, how you can make more of a difference, even if it’s as small as wrapping a burrito better. In your classes at school, put in more time studying if you’re struggling and step up your game. You are responsible for yourself and your future. Your success now, means more success later when you may have a family. Every moment you are living in defines your future, so what are you doing right now to help your tribe, family, and yourself? Just because you don’t have a family now doesn’t mean you can waste away your life. Even if you never have a family, you will still have other people you can be responsible for if you STEP IT UP. If you have free hours you should be working more, studying more, learning other things, or training your body. It’s time to become MEN, the world desperately needs more of those in this radically feminist emasculated culture of ours.
Life is not a game and there are no do-overs. Live all out. Work, improve, and love all out.