One of the paradigms for this issue that helps me make sense of it is that of “addiction.” I don’t use that term in the sense in which modern psychology does, but more of the colloquial term. The SA Whitebook says PMO is an addictive behavior if it has the following symptoms:
- Tolerance - we need harder and harder forms to get the same high over time;
- Attempted abstinence - we know that we aren’t getting any benefit but can’t seem to stay stopped-- and we tell ourselves every time that this will be our “last time”; and
- Withdrawal - physical and emotional symptoms we experience coming off our “drug” that can serve to deceive us that we “can’t live” without it.
The underlying schema is that of powerlessness. An addiction to some extent enslaves the will. We get hooked on the dopamine hit or stress relief that this behavior gives us to the point that we in some ways aren’t actually free without the help of some intervening power or circumstance.
In SA, as with all twelve step groups, that power is God as we understand him. We’re encouraged to stop fighting the addiction, at least in the same way (with self-will), and instead begin surrendering our lives and our wills to God as we understand Him, so that He can enter and expel the obsession.
This seems to work for me. I do SA meetings which help me prioritize this in my life. I have discussions with trusted people in order to “bring the inside out” and get to the root of my problem. I pray, not simply when I’m being tempted to fall, but when I am encountering what in my life seem to be my biggest triggers toward seeking the false escape of this addition: things like unresolved anxiety, unforgiven resentment, disappointments in life, or even unstructured free time.
I’m new to all this, so I’m not trying to act like I’m “cured” or a pro. Most of my streaks in the past have only lasted about a month. I just wanted to offer this to the fellowship in case it could help someone else.