No PMO War VII

I don’t know about the rest of my comrades, but I’m a pretty young dude. More and more, I’ve realized that this addiction has been tightening its grip on me, to the point that I feel ashamed of myself whenever I look in the mirror. My “why” is to man up, take control of myself, and my life, and to cultivate the discipline needed to succeed in life.

I totally argee with what you say. I have been addicted to porn since I was 11, maybe even younger. And until february had no streaks of nofap longer than a week ever since I became addicted. I'm 18 now and wanting to quit. My why that brought me to a longer streak for the first time - first 21 days, then 75 days - was my crush. But I now see that this wasn't a good why. She turned out to be not interested in me. So it was no longer healthy to see her that way and she stopped being my why and I relapsed. Since then - a few weeks ago - I again haven't gone longer than a week of Nofap. At the moment, I'm struggling to find a new why but still determined to quit. I suppose it should be an internal why instead of an external one.

When I am clear headed, I would never choose to PMO. It diminishes and distorts my values, my work ethic, my discipline, my friendships, my family connections, my learning, my growing, my honor, my accomplishments, my responsibilities, my manhood. It is never something that makes me better nor those around me. It takes precious time and energy from my life and weakens me.

To find freedom from PMO is to live live more fully, more authentically, more lovingly, more boldly. I can choose to continue to let it sap the life from me, or overcome it and find my true spirit and potential in this precious life I've been given.

I'm in agreement with @Nelis…a lasting "why" needs to spring from within you, something you can tap into at any time to strengthen your resolve. My "why" used to be my wife, but I realized that when she would get angry or yell at me or temporarily withdraw love and affection as we all do when we're under stress or tired, I would be forced to power through regardless without the strong feeling of support from my "why", but too often I would convince myself that if she didn't care, then neither did I.

I'm still digging inside myself for that why, but I'm sure you guys have a powerful belief or emotion about your life and how you want it to be or how you believe you are, and that supports you love for your significant others. Placing the "why" inside you instead of outside will help it become invincible to changing situations and continue to fuel your fight even in the most stressful or difficult situations.

@Vikingfire I totally agree with your words. I think what you say touches on my why, so it is helping me narrow down on it. Can you state your why in a single sentence, something you can remind yourself quickly when the darkness comes?

Thank you for this thread Raku. I was just thinking about it and couldn't come across any reason good enough as to why I'm trying to stop PMO, but your thread reminded me that a week ago I wrote a few pages about it in my journal.
It can be summarised to this:

I don't want my emotions to be retarded and I want to feel love again. NoFap will help me with that.

I hope it is strong enough and that I will remember it in hard times.
Of course there are many other reasons, but none of those "having clearer skin" or "more energy" will help me when urges come.
Also one thing I realised while trying to clarify my life goals, NoFap is only a catalyst for changing other things, so that you can get closer to what you really want in life.

It's always great to see another post from the valuable @Raku.
For me, the why is "I WANT TO CLAIM BACK MY MASCULINITY", Really!. I don't feel like i'm a man, and in all aspect of my life : How to deal with certain difficulties, my social field, my body language, my thoughts, my voice, my decisions .. ALL! It's like i feel that i'm more feminine than masculine, i want a masculine aura that affect others and respect me more.

I didn't start until I reached about half-way through college, two years ago. Up until then, I wasn't perfect, but I had this love of life that carried me through the days. I could take on classes, a job, and making time for family and friends all at once. Then things got harder. Nothing uncommon to the human experience, but I guess it caught me off guard. I decided to start PMO. Quite the thing at first, I guess. I got lazy, fatter, and didn't have time for anything much less my valued relationships. But there is a part of me that remembers what it's like to be a man. To make progress and become better. To enjoy the wins and endure the losses. I want that guy back in charge. I want to enjoy unrestrained conversation with friends, family, and even girls without this weight on my back. I want to stop relying on the increasingly older parts of my resume when applying for internships and I want that confidence I had whenever I entered a new group of people. In one sentence: I want to respect myself. Thanks for getting me to write this out. I had my doubts about joining a group, but I've had a lot of realizations hit me just in this last week from getting to see other's posts and thoughts.

@Agent46 If you remember what it felt like, it isn't too late - you can use that memory to fuel your journey back to that state and return to that man you used to feel like.

@celecial Your words remind me of myself about 10 years ago (I'm 36). I had such a tough time believing I was a "real" man due to various experiences in my past that I felt told me otherwise. I know you have a strong man inside you because I've found him inside myself. Part of that was, oddly, accepting the beautiful feminine parts of myself (such as my sensitivity to emotional feelings, my concern for 'everyone getting along', my non-confrontational attitude, and more). Once I embraced though aspects and felt I was comfortable being who I was, it was then that I have begun to show more strongly my masculine side - confidence in myself and my place among others, sacrifice for my loved ones, spirit to attack and resolve problems head on, etc. (Not that these traits are only for men, but they are traditionally masculine and powerful women also can embody them, just as sensitive men can embody feminine caring). Anyway, kinda rambling, but I hope this made sense. :)

the reason why I cannot relapse is that I want to regain what was stolen from me. My freedom to be who I want to be.

It screwed up my life.
Everyone has two things which determine how good their life (all according to me), one talent, that you're born with and two effort that you put in consciously.

Masturbation first makes you incapable of effort… then chews up your talent
I hate it and i'm going to get rid of it from my life, full-stop