No PMO War XLV

Exactly like you do it. I guess there is no other way out of the behavior mechanism. You are stronger then the behavior. Your are stronger then the programm. If you have hard times easier will follow.

@HitmanX hey brother, I am exactly in the same situation now. Actually, I’m at the hospital now getting checked for corona or influenza because I have had a persistent cough and sore throat for the last couple weeks. I too love to get out and exercise normally and haven’t been able to do that. However, this is the opportunity to go inward! Believe in yourself that you are stronger than the simple escape of a fleeting pleasure or dopamine fix! You are also a member of the Phalanx barracks!! Stay strong 💪
Also keep in mind that if you relapse, this will only make you feel more unwell in the long run 🙏

Sorry to hear you're going through that @thor, did you find out what it was? Hoping it's nothing too serious.

The patterns of behaviour are so well worn in my brain that my coping mechanisms are almost automatic by now. Yesterday was so difficult for me. If I have negative feelings and emotions (depressed, anxious, sad, lonely) my brain starts to look for different PMO related solutions to get rid of these emotions, and then the action would automatically follow. I count yesterday as a victory as previously I wouldn't have remained strong on a day like that, failure would have been inevitable. I want to use that experience as my first real sign of change.

The brain does crazy things when it's in a kind of panic mode. My brain is freaking out like 'I'm trying to make him feel better so why isn’t he listening to me anymore'. Over the last few days I've been having thoughts about an ex of mine and last night I had such a vivid dream about her, to the point that when I woke up this morning I came very close to texting her. Man, my brain is trying everything to mess me up right now :-)

Stay strong mate, if you only use your PC for PMO and not your phone you can try taking the PC apart and placing different things around the house, eg keyboard, mouse, power leads. That way if you are on the edge of giving in you need to first rebuild the PC. During the time it takes you to rebuild and set your system back up you'll hopefully give yourself enough time to talk yourself down and come back to your senses.
I heard a story about a bloke who was depressed disassembling his firearm for the same reason he would talk himself down while collecting the pieces for it before he did anything.
Hopefully that helps.

As for your ex if you get close to texting her again you could try calling family instead. No need to spill your guts to them just have a conversation.
A simple conversation with someone who cares about you will give you that human connection you need and probably end with you feeling better than having a conversation with the ex.
Call a grandparent just to check in on them and see how they are doing. The elderly are pretty clever and they've likely been through similar things in their lives and had people to lean on when they needed. Now it can be your turn to lean on them.
We are only alone in our suffering when we dont reach out.

Sleep , nap , recover. the ROI on that is 200 % at least ( for me , based on my data collected )

Good morning @HitmanX
as it turned out, I luckily tested negative for corona/influenza 👍 I got some medicine and I’m going to lay low at the house for a few days. How are you doing? Are you getting over the hump?
Hang in there and stay strong 💪

Maybe you just need rest? We are humas, it is always better to do nofap than do PMO, but our bodies aren't machines and ilness happens. The bonus is you gonna recover much faster when body doesn't need to regenrate during refractory period after fapping

Thanks for some good advice @Firacas I do like the ‘putting an obstacle in the way’ method, it does help to disrupt unconscious behaviour when having that fork in the road moment for decision making.
I was actually planning on going to see family already to spend some time with them but feeling unwell kept me home an extra couple of days. My elderly grandma lives with my parents and I didn’t want to risk making her sick, so I’ll travel to see them today instead now that I’m feeling a little better. Texting the ex is not the right answer, it’s never the right answer, it would just be a selfish attempt to use someone to try and make myself feel better. Not good for anyone in that situation.

A concept I’m using as the moment is ‘awareness over conflict’. I was watching a video on YouTube by Dr K, where he was explaining how willpower and conflict are created in the same part of the brain. This makes logical sense to me as if I’m asserting willpower at any point then by default there is some form of internal conflict going on at the time. With PMO for example, willpower is required when the mind is leading you towards relapsing as you are required to make a conscious effort to resist. Being caught in this internal struggle is tiresome and can eventually lead to giving in to the desire once it becomes too strong and the willpower runs out. Dr K suggests the solution to this is awareness. Taking a step back and observing what is going on rather then getting involved in the conflict itself. For me it feels like I’m on the outside looking in, observing what is going on rather than being a part of the conflict or struggle. Using the example of wanting to text my ex, I was caught in that internal conflict and needing to use willpower in that moment. Once I gained control of my emotions, took a step back and observed what was happening internally then I actually started to laugh. I realised how desperate my brain was trying to find ways to go down the old well worn paths of behaviours. It will try so many different things to get the same end result, dreams about my ex was just another attempt. Taking a step back allowed me to become aware and see everything for what it is.

@thor glad to hear it was nothing too serious mate! Yeah just coming out the other side of it now I think. Not back to 100% just yet but feel like my mental strength is returning which will help keep urges and compulsions in check.

@IronBob @MasterPablo Yes! Sleep is very important. I struggle with sleep, I’ve always been a light sleeper. It’s definitely an area of my life that I’d love to find a way to make improvements.

@HitmanX taking a step back and looking at the situation as a “witness“ is spot on!. It’s a little bit like watching a Shakespeare play and observing how crazy we humans often act. Seeing the humor in it all definitely puts things in perspective 🤣
Glad that you are feeling better. I too am on the mend and hopefully will be able to hit the gym in a few days 💪
Enjoy your time with the family!