No PMO War XLV

Today, I failed. Twice. Within 15 minutes. I made a promise to walk as a Child of Light. To stay transparent. Not perfect — but honest. The urge had been building for days. TikToks, YouTube videos, the subtle climb of dopamine craving. My brain searching for an escape, anything to feel something. And when the moment came, I didn’t say no. Not the first time. Not the second time, minutes later. I knew what was coming: the emptiness, the guilt, the sting of betraying my own growth. And yet — here I am. Not hiding in shame. But choosing to stand up again. Not tomorrow. Now. This isn’t a cry for pity. This is a statement: I’m not done. Not because I’m invincible. But because I can’t go back to who I used to be. I know where this path leads if I keep giving in. And I’ve tasted what happens when I stay on mission. So today, I recommit. To my journey. To my growth. To the light. I’m not sharing this for likes. I’m sharing it so someone out there knows: You’re not alone. And your worth is never defined by how many times you fall, but by how many times you refuse to quit. I’m starting over. Today is Day 0. But also Day 1. And that’s enough. Let’s rise. 🕯️ – A brother walking through the fire

Hot damn another week, how's everyone feeling?

Today I got hit with a thought I hadn’t felt in a while: “It would feel good to get hard again.” Usually, I shut that thought down instantly — I know where it leads. But this time… before I realized it, I was already an hour deep into a rabbit hole of thirst traps on TikTok. Endless videos of beautiful women, seductive voices, curves, and perfect angles — all pretending to be intimate, to be with me. More stimulation in an hour than I’ve seen in real life all year. My brain jumped on it like it was finally getting what it craved. But the truth is — it’s fake. After the video ends, it’s just me and the emptiness again. So I scroll to the next, and the next. And then the brain starts pushing for more… for that full dopamine hit, that orgasm. That’s when I realized: I was sliding back into the old script. The cycle: see a trap → get horny → binge more → jump to porn → orgasm → regret. But today… I broke it. I stopped before it escalated. I didn’t cross the line. And I’m proud of that. This wasn’t about winning easily. I felt like I was drowning. But instead of hating myself or numbing out — I snapped out of it. And that’s growth. I still regret the lost time, yeah. But I’m grateful I didn’t relapse. Normally, I’d be pissed at myself for even slipping. Today… I’m proud that I interrupted the cycle. I’m healing. Slowly. But I’m waking up. We don't need to be perfect. We just need to stay conscious. And keep choosing better — even if it’s late. Even if it’s hard. Stay strong, brothers. You're not alone.

The past 14 days have been intense. Not linear. Not perfect. But real — and that's where the growth lives. I've faced boredom, stress, low energy, deep urges, distractions, and waves of motivation that came and went like the wind. But in the midst of all that, I kept showing up. Not always with full power, but with full honesty. And that has changed the game for me. - 📌 What I've Been Moving Through Triggers & Temptations: I had some of the strongest urges in weeks. The kind that whisper lies and promise temporary comfort. But instead of collapsing, I stared at the wall, I breathed, I reflected. I didn't relapse. I interrupted the cycle — and that matters. - Escapes & Distractions: I fell into TikTok holes. I gamed during exam season. I wasted hours. But even in those moments, I knew what was happening. That awareness hurt — but it also taught me. I'm not a slave to these habits. I'm someone learning how to be free. - Growth in Restraint: There were moments where I almost let it all go. Just for a hit. Just to feel good again. But I didn’t. And not out of fear — out of wisdom. I remembered what comes after. The regret, the shame, the emptiness. I chose differently this time. - ⚔️ My Biggest Challenges Vulnerability in Isolation: Sometimes I crave connection so badly that even fake intimacy feels real. Thirst traps that simulate closeness pull at my deepest wounds. I see that now. I'm not horny — I'm lonely. And I’m learning to sit with that feeling without running from it. - Pressure vs. Progress: Exams are close. Deadlines are real. But motivation isn’t always there. I realized that doing something — even the smallest thing — is better than doing nothing. Progress over perfection. Always. - Mindless dopamine: I’ve felt the pull toward easy highs — YouTube, gaming, scrolling. And I get why I do it: it’s escape. But I’m starting to realize that silence, sunlight, or even just doing “nothing” is far more healing than chasing cheap dopamine. - 🌱 What I've Learned An urge is not a command. My brain can scream, but I choose whether to obey. - Self-awareness breaks the loop. The fact that I could pause and analyze instead of act... that’s power. - Setbacks are information, not failure. Even when I slipped, I caught myself. Earlier than I used to. That’s progress. - Pain is a teacher. I’m starting to rewire the idea that porn = pleasure. No — it’s pain dressed up. The real reward is self-respect. - I am not my urges. I am the space between thought and action. And that space is growing. - 💬 Message to Anyone on This Path It’s not about being perfect. It’s about becoming conscious. You can’t fight urges in the dark. But when you shine a light on them, when you speak about them, journal them, reflect on them — they lose their power. - What I’ve learned is this: healing isn’t clean. It’s messy. But it’s real. And it’s worth it. - 🔚 Conclusion In these 14 days, I haven’t just resisted — I’ve understood. I haven’t just slipped — I’ve stood back up. I haven’t just passed time — I’ve grown through it. - Every moment I chose not to relapse, every reflection I wrote, every insight I uncovered — it all built something inside me. And I’m starting to feel it now. - No, I’m not “healed.” But I’m not who I was. And that’s something worth being proud of. Stay strong brothers and never quit <3

Woke up to hot, but I was ready to start the day — I had energy, and although I didn't fully stick to my ideal morning routine (still too much time on YouTube during breakfast), I managed to get a solid chunk of work done. Starting the day with urgency really helped, and it’s something I want to build on. No major urges today, but I did see a stunning girl at the gym. My brain immediately started imagining a whole future with her (classic move), but she was surrounded by 4 guys — that was a red flag, and I managed to bring myself back to earth. One major win: I didn’t game today, even though I had the opportunity. That’s a huge shift in my discipline. The stress of the upcoming exam is building, and I didn’t do as much for it as I’d hoped, but my gym session gave me a lot of energy and gratitude. I also worked standing up (standing desk) today — something new — and it made a real difference. It boosted my focus and helped me stay sharp. Ate well overall, although I noticed I was low on carbs at lunch, which made my workout a bit sluggish. Drank three cups of coffee, which kept my energy up. I overslept a bit — went to bed at 1am, woke at 10am — but I still got things done. Gratitude today: - The clear blue sky, warm sun, and light breeze — it felt like God gently telling me, “You’re doing well. Keep going.” - My dog — I never stop to realize how much emotional support her quiet presence gives me. She can’t speak, but she heals. - My standing desk — a fresh setup that gave me a new sense of momentum. - Tomorrow’s aim: Get up and be working by 10AM sharp. No slow starts. Keep the energy flowing. - Quote of the day “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” — Steve Maraboli

To all survivors. Congratulations making it. Only 7 remain to survive for 7 weeks. Good luck to you all and may you find victory over your greatest opponent..... yourself.

Yesterday was rough. I woke up and ended up gaming almost the entire day — during exams. Honestly, gaming is already a time-waster, but in this season it feels even worse. There's always something more meaningful to do: studying, meditating, even just sitting outside in silence and letting your brain recharge. I felt the pressure to study but just couldn’t get started. It’s like I’m in a flatline — no motivation for anything that takes real effort. Even working out, which is usually second nature for me, felt heavy. Still, there were victories. Even in that fog, I stayed clean. No porn. No peaks. The triggers came — especially when I was deep into that pit of low energy and craving easy dopamine — but I didn’t give in. YouTube binges happened, but I drew the line before it went further. That’s already a major difference from the past. The biggest urge usually hits when I lie in bed. But I tell myself: if I relapse now, it won’t stop there. I know what happens after. And that’s become my weapon — I’ve taught my brain that porn = pain. I refuse to start that cycle again. My energy was low, mostly because I slept badly. I stayed up late watching random videos. I didn’t even go outside — though I still tracked my food and ate clean. 🙏 Gratitude That I can still enjoy dinner with my family and stay within my calorie goals thanks to discipline during the day. Strawberries — like nature’s candy, but without the crash. Skyr — it gives me the protein I need without effort in the morning. 🎯 What I’m Taking into Today No more screens after 9 PM. Less dopamine, more peace. And even if progress is slow today — slow is better than none. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” – Bernard M. Baruch

Today is may 30th. I want to stop watching porn and join on the act of noFap with you guys. I aim for a month, and possibly more. Come with me on journey and help me

The last two days weren't easy. I started one of them well — a walk in the sun, a healthy breakfast — but I wasn’t truly present with my goals. Then came the storm. I was hit with some of the most intense triggers I've had since starting this journey. Not out of lust, but boredom. Curiosity. I wanted to test if my filters were still strong. They worked — mostly. But a few gaps showed me just how fragile the mind can be after nearly two weeks clean. Arousal came out of nowhere. A thumbnail here, a title there. My brain lit up like it used to, hungry for the dopamine hit it once worshipped. I tried to plug the leaks fast. Some damage control on YouTube, some new blocks — all just to buy myself more time when my defenses are weak. And still — I didn't give in. Each time I felt an urge, I reminded myself: “Do I really want to throw away all this progress for something that will leave me empty and regretful?” The answer was always no. I’ve reprogrammed my brain to associate porn not with pleasure, but with pain. Emotional pain. Spiritual stagnation. Isolation. I don’t want that anymore. Friday I had energy — went bouldering and stayed disciplined with my diet. Today... I'm tired. The battle takes its toll. But I'm still standing. Not because I’m strong. But because I’ve learned: you don’t have to win forever, you just have to win today. “If you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice.”