No PMO War XLVI

Good morning gentlemen (and ladies if there are any here), I have been officially 26 days KIA within this war. Much has happened since my last presence. I have been on this site for about 2 years now, winning and failing, cycle repeating. However, I have returned a few days ago from a volunteering camp I decided to take part in. It’s good to reset your brain sometimes by doing outside physical work in nature. I was about 10 days into my nofap streak when I met a woman on the work camp, and we clicked exceptionally well. We got close quite quickly, albeit nothing exceptional. We were at the camp for 14 days only, not like you have time to build anything serious, and I didn’t come there for that purpose. We danced a couple of times, laughed, talked, gave each other a couple of hugs. Generally had a good time. I’m home now for a couple of days and still thinking of that time. She was the final catalyst needed to get rid of fapping once and for all. I realised that I truly didn’t need it, as well as porn, because I already have the energy as a man, which attracts women. I hope this short story helps all of you out here who may be struggling with something I had as well. I do not know what urges will come later, I might fall a bit, but never fail. Remember this - sometimes, a real interaction and relationship with a woman is all you need to become a better, more successful version of yourself. Rise and conquer, Propro

Not hearing from me is a good sign it's a sign I'm doing better and don't need to out myself and share near misses or relapses. I have focussed more on studying and don't have time to think about PMO or let alone do PMO. I'm doing healthier habbits, but one thing is the stress that really doesn't help. I haven't coped and used PMO to 'relief' stress. Cause it only makes things worse. So how are yall doing.

"Safeguarding intelligence from corruption by lower desires Our intelligence is designed to counter our lower desires, not to serve them. However, we all have desires that can bring out the worst in us. These desires often arise due to external triggers but eventually lead to internal turmoil, as seen in the case of addictions. Intelligence helps us recognize the consequences of indulgence and protect ourselves. Unfortunately, when these desires grow strong enough, they can corrupt intelligence itself. The Bhagavad-Gita (3.40) warns that lower desires can infiltrate not just the senses and mind but also intelligence. For example, an alcoholic with sound intelligence might avoid situations that trigger drinking, but one whose intelligence is corrupted may use it to conceal their indulgence, such as limiting consumption to avoid detection or using substances to mask the effects of alcohol. This corruption can be exploited commercially through products designed to conceal indulgence. When intelligence is corrupted, it stops acting as a protector and becomes an enabler for indulgence. If we notice our intelligence justifying or hiding indulgence, it’s crucial to seek intellectual cleansing. Immersion in wisdom texts like the Bhagavad-Gita can help us refocus and counter the corruption of intelligence. Summary: Intelligence is meant to counter lower desires, but strong desires can corrupt it, turning it into an enabler. Corrupted intelligence often focuses on concealing indulgence rather than preventing it. Intellectual cleansing through wisdom texts can help restore intelligence to its protective role. Think it over: Recall an instance when your intelligence protected you from lower desires. Reflect on a time when your intelligence was focused on concealing signs of indulgence. Identify sources of intellectual cleansing, such as specific books or practices, that you can keep accessible for yourself. *** 03.40 The senses, the mind and the intelligence are the sitting places of this lust. Through them lust covers the real knowledge of the living entity and bewilders him"

I must confess something I’ve been hiding for the past few days. Since my last 5 relapses (last post), I’ve avoided posting. I felt ashamed — deeply. I wanted to bury this failure, to crawl into a corner and pretend it never happened. I told myself I’d just carry on quietly and let it fade, like it never occurred. But that’s not who I’ve chosen to be. I made a promise — to myself, to you, and to God — to live with honesty and integrity. So here I am, not hiding anymore. Over the past 4 days, I’ve relapsed 10 times. This was a painful one for me. I had a solid streak — I was doing well, felt strong, and for once in a long time, I was clear-minded and present. I can’t even remember the last time I had such a long stretch without PMO. I was focused, grounded, and hopeful. But old patterns crept back in, slowly. After one single relapse, my brain got instantly re-hooked on that extreme external stimulation. After two weeks of barely any dopamine highs, it latched on like a starving addict. And before I knew it, I was back in the pit, lost in compulsive cycles. Ten sessions of porn and masturbation in four days. Gaming again. Staying up late. Straying from my diet. Avoiding study while my exams loom. It’s awful to admit this. I want to change — I truly do — but this addiction is relentless. It constantly whispers to me, trying to drag me back to the easiest source of dopamine. Today, I had some silent moments — no phone, no music, no distraction — and I truly felt the weight of what I’ve been doing. Why am I wasting my time watching others live (YT)? Why am I trading away my soul and energy to lust? I have my own life to build, my own future to create, and my studies are a sacred responsibility. Every time I sit down to study, there's a voice in me that says: “A little porn won’t hurt. A short game break is fine. You’ve got time.” But I know better. I don’t have time to waste. And if I need a break, there are better options: A walk with my dog. A conversation with my mom. A book. A puzzle. Prayer. Silence. Stillness. Anything but porn, games, or infinite scroll. I’m struggling. But struggle is not failure. Struggle is the furnace that forges something greater. If I can face these hard moments and not run… I will come out stronger. This relapse will not define me. The return from it will. 📖 Scripture that grounds me: Matthew 5:28 – “Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart.” 1 John 2:16 – “The desires of the flesh and the eyes are not from the Father but from the world.” Galatians 5:16 – “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Colossians 3:5 – “Put to death what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, evil desire...” 1 Peter 5:8 – “Be watchful. The devil prowls like a roaring lion.” 2 Timothy 2:22 – “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality.” 1 Peter 2:11 – “Abstain from passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.” 🎯 Closing: If you’re reading this and you’re down bad too — I see you. Don’t give up. Confess it. Let go of the shame. Start again. I’m not proud of what I’ve done these past days, but I’m proud that I chose to stand up, speak out, and begin again. This is day 0, but also step 1 back to the light. We fall 7 times. We rise 8. I’m still walking the path of greatness. I’m just dusting myself off first. Let’s go again. 🙏🔥

Hot damn another week, how's everyone feeling?

5 relapses in 12 hours... and still, I rise. I fell. Hard. Five relapses in twelve hours. A brutal cycle. The kind that leaves you feeling hollow, defeated, ashamed — like everything you built has crumbled in front of you. But this time... I’m not staying down. After the last one, I laid there. Heart pounding. Regret heavy. Mind numb. But a small voice whispered through the shame: “You’re not done. You can still get up.” And I did. I stood back up. I looked in the mirror. And I said: “You’ve fallen into the pit, but you know the way out. You’ve done it before. You’ll do it again. Stronger.” This post isn’t to say “I’m perfect”. It’s to say: 👉 I’m human. I fell. But I’m choosing to walk again — step by step — back toward greatness. I see now that it wasn’t just a slip, it was a storm I walked into unprepared: I ignored the build-up of urges. I let TikToks and soft triggers slip past my filters. I kept delaying action, and the wave swallowed me. But here's what’s different this time: 🔸 I stopped the cycle after the fifth. Not the tenth. 🔸 I didn’t lie to myself or disappear into guilt. 🔸 I’m taking ownership. Right here. Right now. This is what growth looks like. It’s ugly. It hurts. It’s not Instagram-worthy. But it’s real. 🔁 Resetting my system: Cleaned my browser history. Updating my blocklists + hosts file. No screens after 21:00. Replacing dopamine leaks with movement, journaling, and rest. Rebuilding, not punishing. Learning, not loathing. 🙌 If you're reading this and struggling: You're not weak for falling. You're strong when you choose to rise. And you're never alone on this path. Let this post be proof: you can get back up. 🌱 “Fall seven times, rise eight.” – Japanese Proverb I’m back. Not perfect. Not finished. But I’m walking forward — as a child of light — again. Let’s go. 🔥

Today, I failed. Twice. Within 15 minutes. I made a promise to walk as a Child of Light. To stay transparent. Not perfect — but honest. The urge had been building for days. TikToks, YouTube videos, the subtle climb of dopamine craving. My brain searching for an escape, anything to feel something. And when the moment came, I didn’t say no. Not the first time. Not the second time, minutes later. I knew what was coming: the emptiness, the guilt, the sting of betraying my own growth. And yet — here I am. Not hiding in shame. But choosing to stand up again. Not tomorrow. Now. This isn’t a cry for pity. This is a statement: I’m not done. Not because I’m invincible. But because I can’t go back to who I used to be. I know where this path leads if I keep giving in. And I’ve tasted what happens when I stay on mission. So today, I recommit. To my journey. To my growth. To the light. I’m not sharing this for likes. I’m sharing it so someone out there knows: You’re not alone. And your worth is never defined by how many times you fall, but by how many times you refuse to quit. I’m starting over. Today is Day 0. But also Day 1. And that’s enough. Let’s rise. 🕯️ – A brother walking through the fire

Today I got hit with a thought I hadn’t felt in a while: “It would feel good to get hard again.” Usually, I shut that thought down instantly — I know where it leads. But this time… before I realized it, I was already an hour deep into a rabbit hole of thirst traps on TikTok. Endless videos of beautiful women, seductive voices, curves, and perfect angles — all pretending to be intimate, to be with me. More stimulation in an hour than I’ve seen in real life all year. My brain jumped on it like it was finally getting what it craved. But the truth is — it’s fake. After the video ends, it’s just me and the emptiness again. So I scroll to the next, and the next. And then the brain starts pushing for more… for that full dopamine hit, that orgasm. That’s when I realized: I was sliding back into the old script. The cycle: see a trap → get horny → binge more → jump to porn → orgasm → regret. But today… I broke it. I stopped before it escalated. I didn’t cross the line. And I’m proud of that. This wasn’t about winning easily. I felt like I was drowning. But instead of hating myself or numbing out — I snapped out of it. And that’s growth. I still regret the lost time, yeah. But I’m grateful I didn’t relapse. Normally, I’d be pissed at myself for even slipping. Today… I’m proud that I interrupted the cycle. I’m healing. Slowly. But I’m waking up. We don't need to be perfect. We just need to stay conscious. And keep choosing better — even if it’s late. Even if it’s hard. Stay strong, brothers. You're not alone.