Coming into this war, things feel a little different this time. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and recently it has become a significant barrier to finding any kind of progress. I’ve realised that I no longer use PMO out of horniness, but rather as a way to relieve the anxiety I feel inside.
Lately, this has become uncontrollable, especially when I have no control over my anxious energy. At times it feels almost uncontrollable. The problem is that the more I rely on PMO to ease anxiety, the more it seems to lead to feelings of depression. Then, the more depressed I feel, the more frequent I am using PMO again to spike my dopamine levels and escape the depression. It becomes a vicious cycle.
On Tuesday, I was prescribed a new medication for anxiety — one I haven’t tried before. Initially, I was offered another long-term antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, but after years of trying those, I felt reluctant to go down that route again. The only alternative discussed was diazepam to use as needed for panic attacks. However, that would have been prescribed in very small quantities due to its addictive nature, and from past experience, I know its effectiveness can diminish over time.
This time, I was prescribed propranolol. While it wasn’t originally developed specifically for anxiety, it is commonly used to slow a rapid heartbeat — one of the key physical symptoms of anxiety. By calming the physical response, it helps reduce that frantic, overwhelming feeling. The benefit is that it doesn’t need to be taken daily; it can be used as needed, up to three times a day.
Since starting it on Tuesday, I’ve already noticed a difference. The reduction in anxiety has also reduced the urge to use PMO as a coping mechanism. Without that constant anxious pressure, the impulse feels less powerful.
I’m going to continue with this approach and see how it develops. My hope is that by managing the anxiety more effectively, I can break the cycle and apply this progress to other areas of my life as well.
Hitman
