The last two days weren't easy. I started one of them well — a walk in the sun, a healthy breakfast — but I wasn’t truly present with my goals.
Then came the storm. I was hit with some of the most intense triggers I've had since starting this journey. Not out of lust, but boredom. Curiosity. I wanted to test if my filters were still strong. They worked — mostly. But a few gaps showed me just how fragile the mind can be after nearly two weeks clean.
Arousal came out of nowhere. A thumbnail here, a title there. My brain lit up like it used to, hungry for the dopamine hit it once worshipped. I tried to plug the leaks fast. Some damage control on YouTube, some new blocks — all just to buy myself more time when my defenses are weak.
And still — I didn't give in.
Each time I felt an urge, I reminded myself: “Do I really want to throw away all this progress for something that will leave me empty and regretful?”
The answer was always no.
I’ve reprogrammed my brain to associate porn not with pleasure, but with pain. Emotional pain. Spiritual stagnation. Isolation. I don’t want that anymore.
Friday I had energy — went bouldering and stayed disciplined with my diet.
Today… I'm tired. The battle takes its toll. But I'm still standing.
Not because I’m strong.
But because I’ve learned: you don’t have to win forever, you just have to win today.
