I think there’s a big element that’s often ignored, or rather downplayed, in discussions around no-PMO lately that I would like to get into. What I’m about to say next is NOT an endorsement of PMO, but I want to demonstrate what we’re fighting here.
The problem with PMO is that it’s objectively fun. Porn is, by design, a pleasant thing to experience, tailored to pretty much anyone’s “tastes,”, and orgasming is by definition one of the best sensations a person can experience. So with the deck stacked against someone like this, it’s no wonder people find abstinence so fucking difficult.
I think this is the piece of the puzzle that’s missing in our arsenals. You feel an urge, but the argument so often devolves into “feel good fun now vs prolonged resistance and discomfort” as a sort of false equivalence. We talk about the “willpower” method and building systems to resist those temptations, but (and this is only my opinion) without acknowledging this core problem with PMO, it’s nearly always a losing battle.
Here’s my proposal. You have to admit that porn is both a slow poison and also mad fun. You have to acknowledge that the perceived high of PMO is going to outweigh the isolated small, but incrementally large amount of damage it will do. You have to get your brain to acknowledge that the “it’s okay, I’ll be fine really, I felt okay last time” is a LIE to yourself because your brain just wants what feels good now. It’s not about learning to live with being uncomfortable. It’s about accepting living without what could arguably be called one of your favourite pastimes, because the consequences are too destructive.
That is what we’re fighting here. There’s a lesson in how we use language. It’s not that you can’t watch porn. It’s that you DON’T. They’re not urges, they’re cravings. Just like how cigarettes are disastrous for our health but one by itself is unlikely to have any serious effect. they’re so good to smoke, they feel great. If you want to quit smoking, you have to acknowledge that you won’t feel that nicotine rush again (apologies for the metaphor if you’ve never smoked, please don’t try it, it’s such a bad idea).
Porn is the same. So next time you’re feeling a craving, just accept that whilst PMO might be fun and exciting, you’re choosing not to have that fun and excitement in service of a higher purpose, and that’s okay. Nofap success is more rewarding, you just have to believe it in those moments where your brain is telling you how much it wants to peek.
Stay strong everyone. I believe in you all, even the casualties of this war. YOU GOT THIS.
