Conquered Self

Enlisted For No PMO War XLVI

Reflecting day 15 "Back on the Path – After the Fall( 5 relapses)"

5 relapses in 12 hours… and still, I rise.

I fell.
Hard.
Five relapses in twelve hours. A brutal cycle. The kind that leaves you feeling hollow, defeated, ashamed — like everything you built has crumbled in front of you.

But this time… I’m not staying down.

After the last one, I laid there. Heart pounding. Regret heavy. Mind numb.
But a small voice whispered through the shame:
“You’re not done. You can still get up.”

And I did.

I stood back up.
I looked in the mirror.
And I said:

“You’ve fallen into the pit, but you know the way out. You’ve done it before. You’ll do it again. Stronger.”

This post isn’t to say “I’m perfect”. It’s to say:
👉 I’m human. I fell. But I’m choosing to walk again — step by step — back toward greatness.

I see now that it wasn’t just a slip, it was a storm I walked into unprepared:

I ignored the build-up of urges. I let TikToks and soft triggers slip past my filters. I kept delaying action, and the wave swallowed me.

But here's what’s different this time:
🔸 I stopped the cycle after the fifth. Not the tenth.
🔸 I didn’t lie to myself or disappear into guilt.
🔸 I’m taking ownership. Right here. Right now.

This is what growth looks like.
It’s ugly. It hurts. It’s not Instagram-worthy.
But it’s real.
🔁 Resetting my system:

Cleaned my browser history. Updating my blocklists + hosts file. No screens after 21:00. Replacing dopamine leaks with movement, journaling, and rest. Rebuilding, not punishing. Learning, not loathing.

🙌 If you're reading this and struggling:

You're not weak for falling.
You're strong when you choose to rise.
And you're never alone on this path.
Let this post be proof: you can get back up.
🌱 “Fall seven times, rise eight.” – Japanese Proverb

I’m back. Not perfect. Not finished.
But I’m walking forward — as a child of light — again.

Let’s go. 🔥

1

posted 3 days ago

modernwisdom

Enlisted For No PMO War XLVI

Reflecting day 15 "Back on the Path – After the Fall( 5 relapses)"

5 relapses in 12 hours... and still, I rise. I fell. Hard. Five relapses in twelve hours. A brutal cycle. The kind that leaves you feeling hollow, defeated, ashamed — like everything you built has crumbled in front of you. But this time... I’m not staying down. After the last one, I laid there. Heart pounding. Regret heavy. Mind numb. But a small voice whispered through the shame: “You’re not done. You can still get up.” And I did. I stood back up. I looked in the mirror. And I said: “You’ve fallen into the pit, but you know the way out. You’ve done it before. You’ll do it again. Stronger.” This post isn’t to say “I’m perfect”. It’s to say: 👉 I’m human. I fell. But I’m choosing to walk again — step by step — back toward greatness. I see now that it wasn’t just a slip, it was a storm I walked into unprepared: I ignored the build-up of urges. I let TikToks and soft triggers slip past my filters. I kept delaying action, and the wave swallowed me. But here's what’s different this time: 🔸 I stopped the cycle after the fifth. Not the tenth. 🔸 I didn’t lie to myself or disappear into guilt. 🔸 I’m taking ownership. Right here. Right now. This is what growth looks like. It’s ugly. It hurts. It’s not Instagram-worthy. But it’s real. 🔁 Resetting my system: Cleaned my browser history. Updating my blocklists + hosts file. No screens after 21:00. Replacing dopamine leaks with movement, journaling, and rest. Rebuilding, not punishing. Learning, not loathing. 🙌 If you're reading this and struggling: You're not weak for falling. You're strong when you choose to rise. And you're never alone on this path. Let this post be proof: you can get back up. 🌱 “Fall seven times, rise eight.” – Japanese Proverb I’m back. Not perfect. Not finished. But I’m walking forward — as a child of light — again. Let’s go. 🔥

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5 relapses in 12 hours... and still, I rise.

I fell.
Hard.
Five relapses in twelve hours. A brutal cycle. The kind that leaves you feeling hollow, defeated, ashamed — like everything you built has crumbled in front of you.

But this time... I’m not staying down.

After the last one, I laid there. Heart pounding. Regret heavy. Mind numb.
But a small voice whispered through the shame:
“You’re not done. You can still get up.”

And I did.

I stood back up.
I looked in the mirror.
And I said:

“You’ve fallen into the pit, but you know the way out. You’ve done it before. You’ll do it again. Stronger.”

This post isn’t to say “I’m perfect”. It’s to say:
👉 I’m human. I fell. But I’m choosing to walk again — step by step — back toward greatness.

I see now that it wasn’t just a slip, it was a storm I walked into unprepared:

I ignored the build-up of urges.

I let TikToks and soft triggers slip past my filters.

I kept delaying action, and the wave swallowed me.

But here's what’s different this time:
🔸 I stopped the cycle after the fifth. Not the tenth.
🔸 I didn’t lie to myself or disappear into guilt.
🔸 I’m taking ownership. Right here. Right now.

This is what growth looks like.
It’s ugly. It hurts. It’s not Instagram-worthy.
But it’s real.
🔁 Resetting my system:

Cleaned my browser history.

Updating my blocklists + hosts file.

No screens after 21:00.

Replacing dopamine leaks with movement, journaling, and rest.

Rebuilding, not punishing. Learning, not loathing.

🙌 If you're reading this and struggling:

You're not weak for falling.
You're strong when you choose to rise.
And you're never alone on this path.
Let this post be proof: you can get back up.
🌱 “Fall seven times, rise eight.” – Japanese Proverb

I’m back. Not perfect. Not finished.
But I’m walking forward — as a child of light — again.

Let’s go. 🔥

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