Today was a mixed bag. I started the day tired and stayed in bed for about 1h45, watching YouTube. I had plans to clean a local space and study — I only managed to clean, not study.
At some point, I caught myself rationalizing the urge to look at something sensual just to get an erection — because “it feels good and can’t hurt.” I also felt a strong urge to game. But I recognized that this exact thought process has led me to relapse many times before. So I made the conscious choice to not pursue that urge.
Unfortunately, I gave in to gaming. I told myself it would be for 1 hour, but I ended up gaming for 3 hours. My original goal was to avoid it altogether, so that was a bit of a loss.
What helped me resist PMO was the pain and fear of becoming a prisoner to porn again. That fear is still very real and serves as a warning light.
🔋 Energy & Self-Care
Energy level: 5/10
I went to the gym and made a small but conscious healthy choice: I chose grilled chicken over marinated ribs for the BBQ.
đź’¬ Conversations & God
I had a short conversation with my mom about whether I now consider myself Christian or just spiritual. It didn’t go too deep, but it got me thinking. I didn’t feel a strong spiritual moment today, but I want to continue growing.
🙏 Gratitude
Three things I was grateful for today:
The parasols that saved our BBQ from the rain. The local room is almost fully cleaned out. I have less school work than some classmates.🎯 Tomorrow's Intention
Tomorrow I want to get out of bed even if I’m tired, finish my PowerPoint, my lesson prep, and a good chunk of my reflection paper.
🛡️ Truth to carry
That’s the mindset I want to embody. Even if I feel unworthy, tired, or weak — I want to be available for God to use me. Not ruled by lust or laziness, but led by purpose.
